One Month In

I've officially made it more than a month into my 27-month experience here in Armenia. I've been pretty sunny in my posts so far. Don't get me wrong, there are lots of good things happening and I am doing well day-to-day, but let me tell you, Peace Corps is hard.

I went from living alone, paying my own bills, and having complete freedom in my own house less than a year ago... to Armenia. PCV's are not allowed to drive in Armenia. We cannot be out of our village after 7pm. We must ask permission to leave the village at all. For many volunteers, the idea of us going anywhere, even a few houses down, alone, is foreign to our host families. Meals must never be eaten alone. Add to this training Monday - Friday from 8:30am - 5:30pm and Saturday from 8:30am - 12:30pm... I think you can get the sense of the change in my independence. It has been an adjustment to say the least.

I've also been sick. This is obviously inevitable, especially with the added stress in our lives. Still, it has been difficult. The first night I got really sick, and to keep this non-graphic, I was only leaving my bed for emergencies. My host dad was the only one home and got very, very concerned, very quickly. He insisted that I call my LCF's and tried in every way he could think of to figure out how to help me. He even made me tea and cut up an apple for me (things which many men in this country don't even know how to do) and tried to offer me a zillion other things, most of which I couldn't understand because my language brain had basically shut off. I, of course, didn't want anything as I'm sure it wouldn't stay down long, but I couldn't communicate that to him. He couldn't communicate to me how worried he was and we both ended up sitting together feeling defeated until he told me to go back to bed. I am doing significantly better now, and I got through it, but it was probably the most acutely I've missed my own parents because of their ability to just know what I need.

There seems to be phases while adjusting to living in a new country that the Peace Corps has tried to prepare us for. Many people apparently have a bit of an attitude dip right around the one-month-in mark, and I think that's definitely been felt in my village and by me. I was going to post last week at the official one month point of my service, but I needed to get out of the little slump I was in before I could take some perspective on it. I have felt like I'm stalling in the language, which is very discouraging considering my lack of ability to have the conversations I still want to have. Additionally, I felt like my family was losing patience with my speaking ability, which was probably an unfair judgement on my part. For brief moments, I have thought about how long these two years will be and I have definitely been concerned about the lack of autonomy. I was concerned about relationships at home, and I started to notice parts of the culture that I didn't think I would ever understand or relate to. Add to all of these complex feelings that I was sick and just wanted my own bed, some Gatorade, Netflix, a kitten to snuggle, and maybe even my parents to baby me a little, I was starting to feel it.

It got better though. A large part of this experience for me will be remembering that everything is temporary. The rough parts and the good will all be brief experiences, and staying present in those experiences is important. I like to balance things out a bit, so here are a few of the things that made me remember to take each moment as it comes and smile at the good.

My host parents actually have five kids of their own - four girls and one boy, all of whom are grown and live in Russia now. A lot of Armenia's workforce moves or lives temporarily in Russia because there is work there and as many Armenians will tell you, they love Armenia, but there's no work here. Anyway, one of my host sisters and my host brother are both visiting and they both have young children. Serojik is 3 years old, Susi is 2 and a half, and Armond is 2. They are adorable little tornadoes rambunctiously running around, and they love to try to mess with me and see what I'll do because I'm the big weird alien in their worlds. Serojik is basically non-verbal due to a birth injury and he has still managed to tell me that I needed to eat more soup because I was sick. He also follows me around the most and even tries to stop me from leaving the house for my lessons. He's taken a liking to me, and me to him. Susi, or Suso, Susanna, Sus, Shus, or the zillion other names she is called is incredibly smart at 2&1/2. She already speaks as much Armenian as I do, if not more. She speaks even more Russian than Armenian and can even sing a few songs in English. Armond is at the perfect age to be equal parts adorable baby and intelligent trouble-maker. He stares at me for long periods of time, but smiles when I make faces at him. The house is super crazy right now because of these kids, and there are definitely challenges to that, but I love them and smile more because of them. Small children are really a universal joy and challenge.

I went on a walk! By myself! It was absolutely amazing. I took a half hour of solitude on a beautifully bright and sunny day, put some headphones in, and walked. I went out to the fields in the sunshine, didn't speak a word of Armenian, and just soaked in the nature and beauty around me. It was probably the shortest span of time that I am most grateful for in my entire life. It really did wonders to recharge my spirit.

Also, there are puppies everywhere. We have a lot of stray dogs in my village, most of whom are incredibly benevolent and just want some pets behind the ears. Here's a few pics of those little bundles of joy.

From top - Remy (super laid back), Panda (mix of spunky adorableness and trouble maker), and Archook (little white ball of fluff)

Gonch - He will play fetch for hours and will jump 6ft walls for his stick. Also, he eats sticks.

Max -  Possibly the friendliest and most popular dog around. He will cuddle for food, but also just for cuddles.

Today, my host sister (who makes some amazing food, by the way) made some Armenian pizza. It is way different from American pizza, but still delicious. Anyway, I ate a ton of it at lunch. There was still some at dinner, but my host sister had already put a ton of food on my plate so I didn't have any room for more pizza. After I barely manage to eat all of the food that was put in front of me despite my protests of wanting less, my host sister puts a piece of pizza on my plate. It's not rude to have an empty plate here. It's not even an invitation for more. However, I am a foreigner and guest in my host parents house, which means they must make sure that I do not lose any weight at all costs because that would mean they're not taking good care of me. It does not matter in any way how much I contest this fact. I say that I am way too full when she puts the pizza on my plate, but that definitely does not matter. I promise you all, I was speaking Armenian. The pizza still ends up on my plate. So, when my host sister turns her back, I very slyly put the pizza back. A neighbor who was sitting next to me and speaks a little English was totally on my side and smiled about it. However, my host brother sitting on my other side and grinning just like my American brother would, promptly tells my host sister very quickly in Armenian that I put the pizza back (probably thinking I wouldn't catch it). Of course, I know the word pizza. Hint* it's a universal word. I yell at my host brother and everyone bursts out laughing and it was just such a sibling moment that I absolutely loved it. Plus, I won. I didn't have to eat the pizza. =)

Now that I've started telling the good stories, I just want to keep going, and there are plenty more. The good stories will be what keeps me here and what keeps me excited about being away for two years. I know there will be lots more rough spots, but I know there will be lots more good, too. Keeping to my mantra of being present, right now, I'm still a little sick, there are still some parts of my day when I am dragging and discouraged, but I am writing this while two little boys sit on the couch next to me and they smile every time I look over. Susi is currently in search of ice cream, so I don't blame her for missing the captivating show of me typing.

I leave you with the most recent stunning picture of our village view of Mount Ararat. (There's a bigger and much prettier version on my pictures page.)

Շնորակալ եմ ձեզ համար և հուսում եմ դուկ մնում եք լավ։

I am grateful for you all and I hope you all stay well.

Emily